you left an imprint on me that i’m not sure if i can ever replace — your respect, your beliefs, your mind — i adored them all. the way you looked at me and the way you kissed me — and the way you watched a fiercely feminist comedian on netflix with me, and denied nothing — i loved it all.
i loved your heart. i loved the way you made love to me and touched my face, the way you kissed my head. i miss your hazel eyes, they were so pretty, green and blue. i miss your skin and how it felt on my fingertips and the way your hips gently rocked themselves. i miss your movement, your taste, your gentleness, your feminity, your masculinity.
i miss these qualities about you and all i can do is let them inspire me, here and now while i sit here eating my dumb corn chips trying to feel what i feel at the end of the day, after work, when all i have is the sweaty odor on my body from working out at the gym and feeling drowsl-y content about the present.
i let your affection inspire me when i cuddle on this couch alone, surrounded by the warm lights in my apartment. it’s like your presence is still here with me. i still think about how soft you were with me, a presence that’s hard to forget.
i feel joy when i think about your presence, and i don’t want to let go and i’m trying to hard to let go but when i drive back from their places i think about you and how you saw me — and how you put my pleasure first. you were a ‘man’ that made the most sense to me — not the type of man that you hear about and see so much in the media or tiktok or whatsoever, but a man that hears me. a man that is gentle and delicate while all the more protecting and loving.
a lovely human being, you were to me, and i’m not sure if i will ever find another you again but i feel so goddamn grateful that i experienced you and being with you.